Happy birthday Tina

FREE spuds

Just dug these babies up.

Humour?

A blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners because it has a stain on it. As she leaves the owner says to her "come again" to which she replies "no, toothpaste this time".

Revenge

2 statues in a park, 1 a nude man, the other a nude woman. They'd been facin each other for 100yrs when one day an angel brings them to life. The angel says 'As a reward 4 bein so patient all these yrs, u have been given life for 30mins to do what u wish 2 do the most.' They look at each other and run behind the bushes. The angel waits as bushes rustle and gigglin ensues, 15mins later they return out of breath, laughin. The angel says 'U still have 15 mins left, would u like 2 do it again?' Nude man says 'Shall we?' Nude woman eagerly replies 'Oh yes, let's. But let's change positions. This time I'll hold the pigeon down & u shit on it!

My grandson Thomas

Not pc

Saw a fat lady on a bike and the Rorschach blot of butt crack sweat on her spandex looked just like pork chops 69ing. My day = MADE.

Google translation

1) Go to Google translate 2) English to Hungarian 3) Type in "cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese" 4) Click Listen 5) Laugh like a twat (via Stuart 'Giggity Giggity' Parker)

Pogo

This is the first thing I saw on my google+ account this morning and I thought that you should share my experiences. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gcoewRofRg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Google+

I have google+ invites if anyone else with a gmail account wants one let me have your address ;)

Weekends

On weekends I like to relax with the family and dial my rage back from murderous to manageable.
Until one of them starts talking.

Doctors eh?

I asked my dr. what side effects come with my new medication. She said difficulty having an orgasm. ANTI-depressant my ass!

New answer phone message

Hi. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.

So wrong on so many levels

I am speechless. Here is the most horrific, worst judged family portrait EVER TAKEN.  http://twitpic.com/5my6yr

A couple of NSFW jokes.

A guy goes into a pub and asks for 3 double whiskies,
The barman says,
"Are you ok"?
"No"
He said,"
I've just found out my son is gay"!
The next day he goes in and asks for 6 double whiskies,
"Are you ok"
Asks the barman again?
"No"
I've just found out my other son is gay too"!
The next day he goes in and asks for 9 double whiskies,
Barman ask's,
"My god doesn't anyone in your family like fanny"?
"Yes"
He replies,
"My fucking daughter"!

My nan caught me wanking last night and had a stroke....really soft hands.

A Muslim has been caught Shagging a sheep in Wales . When questioned he said it was islamb and could do what he fucking liked!

News International

I am thinking that the biggest story in the UK seems to be phone hacking by the News Of The World, all over the TV and the Internet. The Sun of course leads on it's front page with a picture of a pregnant Posh and topless Becs. Shameless http://twitpic.com/5lrb39 I5

A clear M4 today

Right then, back home and unpacked, washing machine on and wine open. Tonight's food is prepared so it's time to watch TDF and MotoGP on sky+

Small penis alert

Big Ben the Swansea City estate agent.