This should happen to all paedophiles

This is a bit graphic

Testing the network.

Taken with Camera ZOOM FX for Android

Such a tragic waste of life.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/int/news/-/news/mobile/uk-wales-14955416 Shared from Beeb Anywhere for Android

Fancy dress

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

My Location@08:44,2/8 Chiltern Way, Basingstoke, Hampshire RG22 5, UK http://m.google.co.uk/u/m/dSjb5q

Happy birthday Tina

FREE spuds

Just dug these babies up.

Humour?

A blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners because it has a stain on it. As she leaves the owner says to her "come again" to which she replies "no, toothpaste this time".

Revenge

2 statues in a park, 1 a nude man, the other a nude woman. They'd been facin each other for 100yrs when one day an angel brings them to life. The angel says 'As a reward 4 bein so patient all these yrs, u have been given life for 30mins to do what u wish 2 do the most.' They look at each other and run behind the bushes. The angel waits as bushes rustle and gigglin ensues, 15mins later they return out of breath, laughin. The angel says 'U still have 15 mins left, would u like 2 do it again?' Nude man says 'Shall we?' Nude woman eagerly replies 'Oh yes, let's. But let's change positions. This time I'll hold the pigeon down & u shit on it!

My grandson Thomas

Not pc

Saw a fat lady on a bike and the Rorschach blot of butt crack sweat on her spandex looked just like pork chops 69ing. My day = MADE.

Google translation

1) Go to Google translate 2) English to Hungarian 3) Type in "cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese" 4) Click Listen 5) Laugh like a twat (via Stuart 'Giggity Giggity' Parker)

Pogo

This is the first thing I saw on my google+ account this morning and I thought that you should share my experiences. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gcoewRofRg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Google+

I have google+ invites if anyone else with a gmail account wants one let me have your address ;)

Weekends

On weekends I like to relax with the family and dial my rage back from murderous to manageable.
Until one of them starts talking.

Doctors eh?

I asked my dr. what side effects come with my new medication. She said difficulty having an orgasm. ANTI-depressant my ass!

New answer phone message

Hi. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.

So wrong on so many levels

I am speechless. Here is the most horrific, worst judged family portrait EVER TAKEN.  http://twitpic.com/5my6yr

A couple of NSFW jokes.

A guy goes into a pub and asks for 3 double whiskies,
The barman says,
"Are you ok"?
"No"
He said,"
I've just found out my son is gay"!
The next day he goes in and asks for 6 double whiskies,
"Are you ok"
Asks the barman again?
"No"
I've just found out my other son is gay too"!
The next day he goes in and asks for 9 double whiskies,
Barman ask's,
"My god doesn't anyone in your family like fanny"?
"Yes"
He replies,
"My fucking daughter"!

My nan caught me wanking last night and had a stroke....really soft hands.

A Muslim has been caught Shagging a sheep in Wales . When questioned he said it was islamb and could do what he fucking liked!

News International

I am thinking that the biggest story in the UK seems to be phone hacking by the News Of The World, all over the TV and the Internet. The Sun of course leads on it's front page with a picture of a pregnant Posh and topless Becs. Shameless http://twitpic.com/5lrb39 I5

A clear M4 today

Right then, back home and unpacked, washing machine on and wine open. Tonight's food is prepared so it's time to watch TDF and MotoGP on sky+

Small penis alert

Big Ben the Swansea City estate agent.

Pendine Museum of Speed

One of the exhibition pieces

Cardiff Bay

Bellini's view from my table.

Hotel tweet I just snagged

I always bring a sound machine to hotels. Cant sleep without the soothing sounds of woodland creatures licking their anuses clean nearby.

Lunch in Tenby

Roadtrip time.

VR46

Living the life

Tethered Xoom

I am tetherng my Xoom to my HTC Desire to great  effect,  I hope the neighbours like the SSID DSS Survey Team.

Crazy sheepdog scared of sheep

Watch "THE SHEEPDOG THATS SCARED OF SHEEP" on YouTube

Father's day

What's white, soggy and covered in scribble?
Dwight Yorke's Father's Day Card!

Fathers Day

Father's Day : If roses grow in Heaven Lord, please pick a bunch for me, Place them in my father's arms & tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love & miss him & when he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek & hold him for a while, Because remembering him is ..easy, I do it everyday, There's an ache within my heart that will never go away. Love you Dad.xx

For my Father and Heinz from Tracy

Motorola Xoom from ecell via ebay

I have been lusting after a tablet PC for a while now, but could not justify buying one, my Archos finally upset me one time too many and I bit the bullet and went to ebay.

On the 26th May I purchased a Motorola Xoom from ecell with an expected delivery date of 6th June, Bank Holidays, weekends 200 miles up the road and Royal Mail all contributing to the length of time taken for delivery.


Here is a link to the listing on eBay  :http://tinyurl.com/66zb3yh

A few pertinent items from the listing are as follows:

Unlocked, SIM Free, No Operator Logos so you can use any Pay As You Go or Contract SIMs

GPRS, Edge and WiFi Data connectivity.

Messaging: SMS; MMS; Push Email

Powerful OS - enables you to fully customise your phone's capabilities.

Micro SD support for cards up to 32GB

As I was going away I emailed them on the 3rd to check that they were despatching it that week and got the reply that it had been sent out by Royal Mail on the 2nd. Imagine the glee when I went to work (Royal Mail) in the morning expecting to pick it up, glee turned to dismay when after several more days it had still not turned up.

I emailed them requesting a tracking number, which should have been supplied in the original notification of despatch and was told that RM won't look for anything until 15 days after posting, finally on the 9th.I got an email with a tracking number for a next day delivery, on checking the system they had not posted it until the 9th seven days after they originally claimed they had sent it.

I have had loads of things to do around the house, we went away for the weekend and didn't really have a lot of time to play with my new pride and joy, I spent a lot of time researching the pros and cons of rooting it and installing a custom ROM or putting the US firmware on it to get the Android update and decided to leave it stock for a while and started downloading all the software I have on my phone for it and some games too, I tried putting Hancent SMS on and the Market said no, when I checked there was no native SMS on the device I started to wonder why? I put a PAYG SIM in and still no luck, so I sent a link to the download from my Android phone, took the SIM out of the phone and put it in the Xoom, still no luck and no phone network either.

To cut a long story short I delved around the software and the interweb to find that despite what the advert said the Xoom I had been sent was actually WiFi only, It had a slot for a SIM and an SD card, neither of which are supported, although the SD card is available after a ROM update.

During the time all this fun was going on I opened the "Genuine Motorola Leather Case" I had ordered from another supplier on eBay, only to find the leather was PLASTIC, I nearly went for the Tough Luv leather option as their case for the Archos is very good and was beginning to wish I had paid the extra, I contacted the seller and they  were dismayed at the mistake in the listing, changed it immediately on eBay, apologised and offered a full refund. Having tried the case I decided to keep it.

Meanwhile back on the Xoom front, I contacted ecell to complain that the item I had brought as a 3G connected Xoom was actually a WiFi only model and how did they plan to correct this error.

This morning I received an email from them containing the link I posted at the start of this post, saying they had sent me what they advertised and what I paid for, my reply is below.

I am sure this will carry on for a while, hopefully I will get a 3G Xoom soon, to make it even worse someone called Keef from the UK won one from Slashgear while this was all going on




Dear e_cell,

Thanks for your reply, I have copied various lines from your description of the item I brought from the link you sent :http://tinyurl.com/66zb3yh

This Tablet has no network logos; is factory unlocked allowing it to work with any Contract or Pay as You Go SIM. See below for network compatibility.

This Tablet is supplied to you direct from the UK from an eBayer you can trust with 600000+ feedbacks.


Specifications
Wi-Fi: Yes, 802.11 a/b/g/n
Bluetooth: Yes, v2.1 with A2DP, EDR
Data: GPRS EDGE
USB: Yes microUSB v2.0

GPS: Yes, with A-GPS support


Memory (Internal): 32GB
Memory (RAM): 1GB
Memory (External): MicroSD 32GB Max

Features
Class Leading Connectivity - Wi-Fi, HSDPA & GPRS make for a Tablet that connects in most places around the world. Together with Bluetooth, SMS, MMS and email you can guarantee being connected virtually anywhere. Powerful OS - With Android Honeycomb operating system, Motorola XOOM MZ601 is an amazing Tablet which enable you to fully customise your phone's capabilities to support your lifestyle.

Messaging: SMS; MMS; Push Email
Email: Yes
IM: Yes
Browser: HTML

Battery: 24 W-hr
Stand-by: Up to 336hrs max
Talk time: Up to 9hrs max


So to recount your advertisement says I can put any contract or PAYG SIM in the device as it is factory unlocked and had no network operator logos,it has GPRS and Edge data connectivity, I can receive SMS and MMS messages and save files to a micro SD card. A point here is that micro SD is not supported yet.You also say that it is an amazing Tablet which will  enable you to fully customise your phone's capabilities to support your lifestyle.

So after reading all this information regarding SIMs, GPRS and customising my PHONE why would I pay you more for a WiFi only tablet than I could have brought it in a local retailer?

I wouldn't have,I brought this in good faith as a 3G connected tablet as advertised and expect you to supply me with the same within the next 7 days.

Thank you

K. Hinton

Been a while, been busy and just been sent this, is it for real?

Alan Lake's final solution

To end any further doubt whether the EDL are being stage-managed by neanderthal football hooligans like Jeff Marsh, or hardcore neo-Nazis, you need to look at the comments online posted by the EDL's bankroller, the saviour of the hardcore fascist "Swedish Democrats", Alan Lake, as he forsees a future of Hitlerite Berlin-style Ghettos for Muslims in twenty years time, with summary executions for "race traitors", after the EDL has (in his view) successfully managed to destroy multiculturalism, and turn Asian and White people into sworn enemies. 

Phishing

Got email: "You have been allocated some or all of the Olympic Games tickets you applied for" That's a relief - I thought I'd been robbed...

Lunch is served

Back in France after a quick trip to Belgium for chocolate.

Cancer

Stupid cancer......we all wish to have a new car..new phone...to lose weight...a person who has cancer only wants one thing...to fight their cancer...i know that 97% of you guys won't put this on your wall..but 3% of my friends will....Put it on your wall in honor of someone who died from cancer or who 's fighting against it now x (via Julie Gilchrist)

ecell continued

We have received your item and expect to deliver it before the guaranteed time on 10/06/11.

ecell

OK so it's official ecell are a bunch of scank b'stards, My Xoom was posted on 2nd June and has not arrived yet. Several snotty emails and I finally get an email today saying it has been despatched today with a tracking number that gets this result......Special Delivery™ Next Day items are first tracked when they have reached our mail centre. This may be late in the evening on the day the item was sent.

Information on your item is not yet available online.

So today is 2nd June on the ecell calender! ARSE

FanPhone or Android

The only way to tell the difference between an elite developer and a homeless person is his iPhone.  The homeless guy probably has Android.

http://www.someecards.com/2011/06/05/the-most-brilliantly-obnoxious-responses-to-moronic-graffiti

More scumbags

Who would leave a van like this?

Lowlife continued, or prelude.

Lowlife van drivers.

These pictures are all of vans driven by the people I work with.

The tyres are all the work of one man, the ones with the canvas showing through were replaced with a new set that in a couple of months turned into the kerbed rim and the other bald tyre.

The mobile recycling collection points are from other future Jeremy Kyle guests.

Post Bbq

BBQ in the oven, wine in the fridge. Result

NSFW

3 boys stood talking about their dads dicks. Indian boy says my dads dick is 7'' , Jamaican boy says my dads is 9'', Catholic boy says my dads is only 5'' but it still fucking hurts."

NSFW

What does Fernando Torres have in common with Imogen Thomas? They were both fucking good footballers not so long ago.

Kite festival

Basingstoke Kite festival today, the sun is shining and there is some wind. The rugby, club bar will be open, happy days.

The Jacks done it :-P

Wankers

South Tyneside Council have spent £55,000 on American lawyers to discover identity of blogger called "Mr. Monkey"

Super injunction

Peter Beardsley is the latest footballer linked to a super injunction, apparently the bird he shagged doesn't want to be named..!

JACK ARMY

I am watching wendyball and thoroughly enjoying it. Premiership rugby already at the Liberty, now it looks like Premiership wendyball too ;-)

Leeds United

Mascherano refers to Man Utd as THE FANTASTIC LEEDS UTD TEAM. (via Ady Hargreaves) http://www.youtube.com/v/WPJ4MdUvn98?version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1

Welsh bank holiday

Typically it's lashing down today, that has curtailed the gardening, painting the line posts and washing the car plans. Laying in bed preparing for F1 and eating out of the freezer seems to be the new plan.

Bliss

Does life get better than this, watching F1 qualifying on the box and Red Kites hunting out of the front windows?

Another fine bank holiday

Pissing with rain and cool enough to have to turn the heating on. Considering these points it's a warm dry shops day and a warm restaurant later.

My sex life could be on the up.

So 20 chaps from the village having paid the best part of a hundred quid for a ticket are heading up the M4 to Wembley to hopefully see the Swans become the only Welsh team in the premiership ;-) That leaves me and the sheep, and a few women ;-)

Highways Agency Twats

Well done the Highways Agency, withdraw the roadworks from the M4 at Newport and leave the 2 lanes closed signs up. 3 miles of queues ARSE!

Are you insured?

Are you insured for sex? Make sure you get the right insurance for the sex you are having. Please find a list of companies below that cater for most tastes :

Sex with your wife - Legal & General

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life

Sex with Someone Different - Go Compare

Sex with a Fat Bird - More Than

Sex on the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels

Sex with a posh bird - Privileged

Sex with a transvestite - confused.com

Just mooning around.

Tabloids:

"America not digging Cole"

You can have that one.

How sexy are they?

The only place is Essex

Essex, the only place in the country where on a sunday morning, the women have a higher sperm count than the men!

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from home-sickness, saying that even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.
By the way... Imogen Thomas is an anagram of "A smooth minge"

Marmite

What the papers bloody hell is going on in Denmark? They have banned Marmite and the expert who did it is away and can't explain himself. It appears to be the added vitamins and minerals that makes it too healthy. So shitty fatty salty bacon is fine and Marmite is not?

Miss Wales?

Ryan Giggs has lived in England for a long time, but now and again he does Miss Wales

Ryan Giggs

Ryan giggs ryan giggs running down the wing, ryan giggs ryan giggs shaggin imogen, he does her up the shitter and now its all on twitter, ryan giggs ryan giggs ryan giggs!!

Bloody hell why can't I sleep?

I see Harold Camping has predicted the end of the world again, and it's a Friday this time so not even time to get a weekend break in.

Friday October 21st according to Harold is the day to put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye.

Ryan Giggs

You could not write this

@qikipedia @stephenfry deserves a knighthood, a title and eventually the throne rather than a measly BAFTA.

BAFTA

@stephenfry didn't win a BAFTA last night but The Only Way Is Essex did. The future's bright, the future's orange. Cardiff is looking good.

Breaking news: Man Utd team to face Barcelona..

Van der Sar
Rafael
Ferdinand
Vidic
Evra
Valencia
Carrick
An unamed Premiership footballer
Park
Rooney
Hernandez

5 minutes early.

I live near a school

I love hearing the neighborhood children play. They scream and yell and, for a few blissful seconds, I think they're being hit by a car.

Time for bed.

Another wet day

We are big on recycling here ;)

Hi, this is a test posting from my mobile phone to see if it works